You Won't Do The Same
by Gamma Orionis
Summary: A snippet of the obsessive love Bellatrix has for her Master.


Author's Notes: I was listening to this song, and just couldn't let this idea go. Songfic for Bruno Mars's song "Grenade" (Which I really, really don't own. Please don't sue me). Rated M for mentions of BDSM, suicide, and obsessive, self-destructive love.

Once again, I do not own this (either the song lyrics or JK Rowling's wonderful characters). I wrote this for fun, and I hope you enjoy reading it.

)O(

_Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live_

_Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give_

_Should've known you were trouble from the first kiss_

_Had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?_

Bellatrix's eyes fluttered closed as her Master's lips pressed against hers. Her body softened into his arms, and she was completely consumed by the experience of being kissed by the Dark Lord. She knew she was setting herself up for all sorts of horrors, but she didn't care. She lifted her eyelids, gazing through lowered lashes at her Master. His crimson eyes were fixed on her, and he pushed her away.

_Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, you did…_

"Master, what–"

"I have no desire for you, Bella," he said coolly. "Go. I don't want any more of you."

Bellatrix's disappointment was palpable. Here she was, ready to give him all she had, and he threw her aside, like what she gave him was meaningless.

_To give me all your love is all I ever asked_

_'Cause what you don't understand is_

"Desire?" she managed, choking back tears. "No _desire_ for me?" _What of love? Do you have any love for me? That's all I would ever ask, Master, to give me your love…_

But he had no love. She had been told this time and again, the Dark Lord could not love. He did not understand it, and he had never hesitated to tell her that. But it truly was all she asked. She wanted no compensation for her services as a Death Eater. She wouldn't have even minded if he did not let her into his bed. But she wanted desperately for him to love her.

_I'd catch a grenade for you_

_Throw my hand on a blade for you_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you_

Bellatrix moved back from him, slowly, trying not to let her misery show in her eyes. She picked up her wand and her dagger from where she had dropped them on the table. When her hand closed around the cool metal of the blade, she had a sudden wild urge to cut herself, to let the blood pour across the table as though by doing that she could prove her feelings for the Dark Lord.

_You know I'd do anything for you_

"Master," she appealed, looking pleadingly at him, "must I go? I would so gladly stay…"

"I'm sure you would, Bella." The Dark Lord seemed uninterested. "But as I have said, I have no desire for you. You shall go."

Bellatrix dropped her head. Why did he not see how she wanted to please him? She knew she could, if he only gave her the chance. If he would just let her do to him what she had done to so many men before, he would see the true depth of her devotion.

"I would do anything for you, you know that…"

"Then you shall do as I tell you and leave."

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain._

There were no words for how he hurt her. The pain was more than any spell, any weapon could inflict. Death would be preferable to being turned away so coldly by a man Bellatrix loved so much…

_Yes, I would die for you, baby_

_But you won't do the same._

Bellatrix grasped her knife, her hand tight around the handle, and rested the flat of it against her stomach. It would be so easy, she thought, to twist it, cut her belly open, stab up into her entrails and crumple, dying at her Lord's feet. She would have gladly done it if she thought the act would convince him of her love. But it wouldn't. He would never do the same for her.

_Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb_

She had been with him before, of course she had. It was no secret among the Death Eaters that Bellatrix was the Dark Lord's lover, though none of them would dare mention it in his hearing. But their lovemaking – _could you really call it that?_ – had been rough and violent, more an expression of the Dark Lord's power over her than anything else. Bellatrix would kneel before him, and he would curse her, spells cutting across her back, leaving bruises in their wake until she was numb. She loved every second of it, because it was _something_, but it did nothing to bolster her hope for the Dark Lord's love.

_Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from_

_Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are, yeah_

His words were no kinder. When he finished with her, and she reached out, to touch him, he only slapped her away, telling her that she was not to put her filthy hands on him. That she was mad if she thought that she meant anything more to him than simple physical pleasure.

Bellatrix knew perfectly well that she was mad. But she wished that the Dark Lord would indulge her insane love for him, just a little.

_You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out of my car_

She stepped back, towards the door, keeping her eyes on him, watching desperately. Her expression pleaded _don't make me leave, let me stay with you, let me show you how I love you._

He smiled mirthlessly.

_Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did_

"Master," she said, one last appeal. "Please, let a night with you be my reward. I spent fourteen years in Azkaban for you, could you not spare me just one night? Please, my Lord…"

He considered her, then stepped forward so that they were close again. His hand rested on her cheek, his thumb drawing a circle on the pale, hollow flesh. "You were faithful, Bella, I know." For a moment, Bellatrix felt a surge of hope. But he dropped his hand from her cheek, and his smile went from mirthless to outright cruel. "But your reward shall not be given in my bed."

_To give me all your love is all I ever asked_

_'Cause what you don't understand is_

Bellatrix snapped. She grabbed the front of his robes, fell to her knees before him, looked up with pleading eyes. "Master, I would not take any other reward! All I ask is for you to give me your love!" _You don't understand…_

_I'd catch a grenade for you_

_Throw my hand on a blade for you_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you_

_You know I'd do anything for you_

"I'd gladly die for you," she told him, her eyes streaming with hysterical tears. "I'd do anything if I could make you believe that _I love you, Master!_" She grabbed up the knife from where she dropped it on the floor, and turned her wrist up so that the sensitive underside was visible. She pressed the edge of the blade across her wrist, offering this as a symbol of what she would do. "I would do anything for you…"

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

_Yes, I would die for ya, baby_

_But you won't do the same._

The Dark Lord appraised her, then leaned down and plucked the knife from her fingers.

"No more dramatics, Bella," he said, sounding equal parts irritated and amused. "This is most excessive. You have told me time and again that you would die for me, but what you fail to understand is that repeating it means nothing." He bent down, so that his mouth was next to her ear, and she could feel his cool breath on his skin.

"Die for me if you please, Bella," he told her, "but I would never do the same."

_If my body was on fire_

_Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames_

Bellatrix shut her eyes. Her face contorted with the agony of what he had told her. She had lived in the belief that if she could only demonstrate just how much she loved him, he would be forced to reciprocate. That was why she had gone so willingly to Azkaban. But it would do nothing. He would not care, no matter what she did. If she had pressed the knife into her wrist, severed the veins there, he would have watched the blood spill from her body until she lay cold and dead on the ground before him. She could do anything, and he would never care any more.

_You said you loved me, you're a liar_

_'Cause you never, ever, ever did…_

Her hand was on the door handle, she was almost out, when she turned back to look at the Dark Lord one more time.

"You said you loved me," she hissed. "Before Azkaban, back before the war. You told me you loved me."

The Dark Lord made no response, save to point at the door, clearly signaling _Get out._

Bellatrix closed the door behind her, and even through the mess of thoughts of her love for him, a tiny part of her mind registered that he had lied to her. A tiny part of her mind was angry at that.

The rest of her couldn't have cared less.

_But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you_

_Throw my hand on a blade for you_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you_

_You know I'd do anything for you_

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

She still had her knife. She could still die. Perhaps it wouldn't convince the Dark Lord to love her, but at least if she died, she would not have to tolerate this pain any further.

Bellatrix picked up the blade, rested it across her hand. Just one motion, and it could be over. She shut her eyes, squeezing them tightly to brace herself.

She couldn't do it.

It wouldn't matter to him.

_Yes, I would die for you, baby_

_But you won't do the same._

)O(

_Fin_


End file.
